Living with global warming . . .

The prediction for this weekend is the possibility of snow showers above 500 feet in the Willamette Valley. In mid April! The highs aren’t going to go above the 40’s, and this time of year we should see highs in the high 50’s, low 60’s.

So, all you people who’ve reduced your standard of living lowered your carbon footprint so as to help with the global warming problem? Could you maybe ease up a little bit?

Oh, and as for the guy, you know who you are, who is driving an big Ford SUV with your bike hitched on the back, and then parking it on the east side of the river so you can be seen bicycling in to teach your classes at PSU — you didn’t know I knew, did you? Don’t worry. Your secret is safe for now. Kind of.

Campaign 08, send in the – - -

I don’t want to talk about politics much but I noticed there was a televised debate between Clinton and Obama. The leading questions to each candidate gave each one in turn a chance to push firmly aside the current campaign spin and gossip as a preliminary to answering questions about just what they hoped to bring to the presidency, if elected.

In short, the questions were a gift. Each candidate, unless they are truly stupid, had to expect these questions if they read the news or even watch television. Each candidate should have been prepared and loaded up for these questions.

Throw me the fastball. Oh, please, throw me the fastball so I can take that sucker downtown.

If you want a batter to succeed, you throw them a pitch they should hit, right? That’s what it appeared to me that the debate moderators did. So, what happened?

Each candidate whiffed it.

And now, the pinheaded left is squawking that the media is biased as illustrated by the moderators asking unfair questions.

And by the way, when I refer to the pinheaded left, I don’t mean that everybody on the left is pinheaded. I refer to the pinheaded subcategory. So, do you think the media treated the candidates unfairly in this debate? I mean, the debate basically is a showcase for candidates both of whom espouse the same socialist causes — what legitimate distinctions can there be? If you think the questions were unfair, you might want to check your hat size.

Medical records . . .

Okay, so this week I’ve generated some medical records.  I’ve seen two of “my” doctors; I’ve been scanned; I’ve gone to the ER; I’ve been to a specialist, and I’ve been scheduled for some stuff — by two different offices in the same hospital — for next week.  They all ask the same questions.  I mean they all ask the same questions and they write the answers down!

Do you smoke?  Did you ever smoke?  When did you quit?  How much did you smoke?  Do you drink alcohol?  How many drinks a week?  Have heart problems?  Anybody in your family have heart problems?  Diabetes? Bad Attitude?  Do you vote?  When was the last time you ever voted?  Anybody in your family vote?  How many times in an election do you vote?  Ever been constipated?  Had a sex change operation? Know anybody transgendered?  Ever had an operation?  When and Why?  Ever sued a doctor?  Have any relatives who’ve sued doctors.  Have you signed an advance directive form?  Do you feet smell?  Take asperin regularly? When was the last EKG test you ever had?  Boxers or briefs? Ever stand on a toad?

Guys.  You have records.  Look it up!

My other wife needed me so . . .

How fast can I go if I’m married but just have a girlfriend on the side?  I mean, if it’s okay to keep your license even when caught speeding because you are in a rush to service number two wife, having taken care of number one wife the day before.  Can you get a siren if you have the permitted four wives?  “Cause women in need of servicing won’t wait.